Week 2: Well… I Wasn’t Expecting That (Part 1)

Who: Brody, Jordan, and Sydney

Church: New City Fellowship Glenwood (Presbyterian Church in America)

Lunch: Oddstory

Topics: Part 1: First impressions and Healing; Part 2: Kingdom Centered Church, Christian Nationalism, Citizenship  

Part 1: First Impressions and Healing

Before I stepped foot in the building, I noticed a diversity in this church community that I’ve never personally witnessed before. Across ethnic, socio-economic, and generational lines, the range of people was, frankly, inspiring. (I even spotted a car with a Trump sticker and another with a Harris/Walz sticker.)

Soon after walking into the building, I was greeted with the warmest hug from my youngest son’s 5th grade teacher. (He’s in the 8th grade now, but this lovely human has stayed connected with our family and has come out to see Sydney and Brayden perform from time to time.) But, it wasn’t the only hug given out that morning.

Confession: One of the things I dread most about visiting any a new church is that painfully awkward “greet your neighbor” moment. I’m always tempted to dive into my purse, act like I’m searching for a pen, and pray that someone from the Greeting Team doesn’t spot me and slap a giant “newbie” sticker on my forehead! But, I was pleasantly surprised when Sydney and I were warmly greeted by a delightful woman named Tracy, followed by a group hug from Deborah.

This heartfelt welcome flowed right into the worship service, where, to my amusement, only one song was written after Sydney was born—just barely! Yet, even in worship, there was a beautiful sense of belonging for us as they began singing a song from Rwanda. (For those who don’t know, Sydney and I took a transformative trip to Rwanda in 2017, which played a significant role in the creation of BTCYI.)

There were also some awkward moments for me, which I immediately wanted to jump into once we sat down with Brody and Jordan for lunch. (And for context, we’ve worked with Brody for the past two years at one of our after school sites. But, more than that, he’s taken on the “older brother” role for Sydney, which has been one of the biggest blessings over the past few years.) We don’t get to see them often, but when we do, the time is always rich… and real.

It felt surprisingly easy to share with Brody and Jordan the personal discomfort I felt when a leader of their church invited anyone in need of prayer and anointing with oil to come forward. It took a while for my to put a finger on where the discomfort was originating. If I’m going to be honest on this journey, I also need to be transparent about where I wrestle with doubt—both in my faith and in the Lord. I know all the “churchy” answers, but simply having head-knowledge without allowing it to reach the heart and soul isn’t what truly transforms us.

Ten years ago, I would have been the first one up there, visitor or not. But the last decade has left me a bit more cynical, thanks to a few too many encounters with charlatans. Yet, I can’t blame all of my skepticism on manipulative leaders from our past. (I also want to take this moment to say the leaders at New City Fellowship gave absolutely no indication of falling into this camp. Quite the opposite.)

Truth be told… I lack the faith.

But, I also know the Lord is bigger than my faith, or lack of it in this season.

I realize it might sound a bit absurd to say I struggle with faith, especially since so much of our life is undeniably a walk of faith. Just look at our bank accounts or why Sydney and Brayden moved to Huntsville—it’s all faith in action. One of my favorite verses, Matthew 27:17, speaks to the tension so many of us feel: trusting in Jesus while still battling doubt. We are far from perfect, but some of the wildest, most counter-cultural decisions we’ve made have come from a place of trust—a beautiful act of worship. But, let’s be honest—you’d be crazy to think we don’t doubt Him, and ourselves, every step of the way. Still, we keep stepping forward in faith.

Except I didn’t on Sunday.

On the surface, I’m tempted to say that I’ve merely grown frustrated with God’s unwillingness to heal. (And this is true to a point.) But if I dig deeper, I’m more angry with the church’s collective lack of compassion. How our family was treated at the height of Brayden’s struggles was disgusting. But, our experiences are far from isolated. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve urged church leaders to address the youth mental health crisis, only to be dismissed as misguided, with the assertion that the real crisis is purely spiritual.

I suppose I didn’t walk up because I’m tired of the focus being on one and not the other. These two issues—mental health and spiritual well-being—are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they’re often deeply interconnected, with mental and spiritual struggles impacting one another in profound ways.

But it doesn’t stop there, and it can’t. If God truly is good, then the conversation can’t end with a simple dismissal. (And for the record, I do believe He is good.)

There’s absolutely nothing good about the mental health crisis our youth are facing. I’ve lived through the nightmare of sleepless nights, gripped with fear that your child might not be there in the morning. There’s no good in that. I’ve heard parents share the devastation of losing their child to suicide. There’s no good in that.

Yes, the world is broken. Yes, the world is dark. And, yes… I do believe God is good. But there’s a chasm. A big one. And maybe the answer is that we need to do a better job of mourning. Collectively. And maybe in our ever-evolving world of technology, we need to do a better job of connecting to our humanity… with others.

But, we also need to be relying on the Holy Spirit.

The scripture that keeps coming to my mind in Romans 5:3-5 and I was struck by how different these two translations were upon first reading: ESV and NLT. (I think every Bible in our house is ESV.) But, I love the NLT translation here. It aligns more with what scriptures say about Jesus. And it underscores the presence and importance of the Holy Spirit. It also resembles what I’ve seen walked out when the pain of life in unbearable, but the goodness of the Lord is still present.

I know what it means to be compelled by the love of Jesus—a love that’s greater than my doubt, fear, or pain. His love extends beyond the walls of any church building. I also recognize that there are things we’ll never fully grasp on this side of heaven. But, I don’t often ask the Holy Spirit to step in where my understanding falls short.

As I look back on my faith formation, I see where so much of my thinking was built on accepting clichés. at face value. But, I’m not okay with settling for clichés anymore.

Challenge: Be more intentional in asking the Holy Spirit to uncover truth in the midst of clichés.