Tag: jesus

WEEK 12: Find Yourself Some Friends Like These

by Searching For Jesus in America

Who: Katie, Chase, and Sydney

Church: Thankful Memorial Parish (Episcopal)

Lunch: The Hot Chocolatier

Topics: The Institution of Church vs The Real Church, The Kingdom of God

We first met Katie and Chase in September 2021 at a panel discussion entitled Youth Mental Health & the Church. They were invited to attend the discussion, where Sydney and I spent some time talking about our story and our work in the community. It was a unique moment where our faith and our mission intersected in a formal setting since moving to Chattanooga. This panel was the culmination of six months of collaboration, with mental health and church leaders meeting monthly to address blind spots, missed opportunities, and areas for growth in how the church can better support young people and their families.

Since then, Katie and Chase have become close friends for so many reasons. They’re as genuine as it gets, never taking themselves too seriously, and every time we’re together, there’s no shortage of laughter. Yet, they’re also deeply thoughtful about life and faith. I know I can text them about any theological question I’m wrestling with, and they’ll respond with honesty and insight, always taking the conversation seriously. They’re also avid live music fans and have shown up for our kids on so many occasions to celebrate them.

Find friends like this. You need them.

Now for the our experience on Sunday: Nestled in the heart of the St. Elmo community, the church has a quiet, tucked-away charm that instantly reminded me of the beautiful stone churches we visited in Scotland last summer. Its architecture and serene surroundings exude a timeless beauty, and stepping inside brought an immediate sense of peace and reverence. The space felt like a sanctuary from the everyday, where history and tranquility blend to create an inviting atmosphere for reflection and connection.

Over the years, I’ve attended only a handful of Episcopal churches, but one aspect that stands out as a constant is the deep attention given to liturgy. Episcopal services have a unique reverence and structure, a thoughtful rhythm that carefully guides each part of the worship experience. This attention to detail creates a sacred atmosphere that invites everyone to participate fully, engaging the heart, mind, and spirit. The use of ancient prayers, communal responses, and symbolic actions connects worshippers to centuries of Christian tradition, offering a sense of continuity that transcends time and place. It’s a beautiful reminder of the church’s commitment to intentionality and depth in worship, where every word and gesture feels meaningful and purposefully directed toward honoring God.

Sydney and I felt a little scattered. A traditional Episcopal service has its own cadence, a kind of rhythm we’re not used to, with each part of the service flowing into the next. But we found ourselves fumbling through it, juggling books and bulletins as we tried to follow along with everyone else. When it came time to kneel for the prayers, we had a funny moment, laughing at ourselves as we balanced everything in our hands, wondering how to make it work.

Despite the initial awkwardness, though, there was something really special about being there. There’s a deep sense of community and belonging in that small church, a feeling that everyone is genuinely welcome. It’s something you can feel from the way the members interact with each other and with newcomers like us. We may have felt a bit out of sync, but being in that space still left an impression on us—a reminder of how meaningful a tight-knit community can be, even when the rituals feel unfamiliar.

After church, the four of us grabbed lunch at The Hot Chocolatier and we talked about… all the things: how they decided to make this church their home, the election, the comparison between the institution of church and what we commonly refer to as the REAL church, and the Kingdom of God. I could spend an entire blog post writing about each of these… rich, complex, and full of nuance… but I want to focus on the latter two for this entry.

The topic of differentiating between the institution of church and the REAL church has actually come up several times over the past week. So, for the purposes of clarity, I want to explain what I’m referring to with each of these concepts:

Institution of Church: Universally, the term often refers to the organized, formal structures of the church, which include the buildings, denominations, leadership hierarchy, programs, and official doctrines. These structures are often governed by policies, traditions, and human-made systems. For the record, I don’t believe these elements are inherently bad; they can serve essential purposes. However, I do think we’ve often placed too much emphasis on what happens within church walls on Sunday mornings, sometimes to the detriment of living out our faith the rest of the week. At its best, the institution can provide a foundation for community, support, and shared worship. But at its worst, it has been misused by those with selfish agendas, distorting the Christian faith for personal gain, power, or control. When this happens, it risks becoming an obstacle to genuine spiritual growth, overshadowing the real mission of the church: to be a compassionate, active presence in the world, fostering love, justice, and transformation beyond any single gathering. And somewhere between those extremes lies a very real issue: we often allocate more resources to maintaining buildings than to caring for the marginalized in our communities. When I refer to the institutional church, I’m specifically referring to the extremes of that spectrum, those who have distorted, or completely missed, the mission Christ left to his people.

Real Church: The real church, in a theological sense, is often seen as the body of believers united in their faith in Christ. It’s described as a spiritual community transcending any physical or organizational boundaries. The real church includes people from diverse backgrounds, denominations, and cultures, connected by shared beliefs, values, and love for one another. It emphasizes relationships, mutual support, authentic worship, and the lived expression of faith. The real church is about living out values, serving others, and reflecting the teachings of Jesus in everyday life.

But, I want to close out this post with our conversation about the Kingdom of God. I’m currently doing a study by Jamie Winship that has had me looking at the Kingdom of God, juxtaposed with Christianity. And as we talked about this over lunch I really appreciated the perspectives that Katie and Chase offered. At the end of the day, the Kingdom of God is a central theme in Jesus’ teachings, referring to God’s rule, presence, and influence over all creation. It is not a physical territory but rather a spiritual reality where God’s will, values, and justice reign. It is marked by peace, compassion, humility, and a focus on uplifting the poor, marginalized, and oppressed.

Christianity, on the other hand, is the organized religion and faith tradition that has developed around the teachings, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It includes specific beliefs, doctrines, practices, and denominations, as well as historical and cultural structures. While Christianity’s purpose is to help those wanting to follow Christ and, ideally, to reflect Kingdom values, it is also shaped by human institutions, customs, and interpretations. And even though Christianity has been the primary means through which the message of the Kingdom is shared, it is not synonymous with the Kingdom itself. (Yeah… that might be a hot take, but that’s where I stand on it.)

One of the things that has stuck with me this week has been Katie’s comment that the Kingdom of God isn’t just about the people of God. It’s about the presence of God. It’s about the work of the Holy Spirit. It’s about so much more than us.

CHALLENGE: When you think about the Kingdom of God, what specifically do you think about? How does the religion of Christianity fit into your understanding of the Kingdom of God?

WEEK 11: Headed to the North Shore

by Searching For Jesus in America

Who: Katie and Clay

Church: North Shore Fellowship (Presbyterian)

Lunch: Taco Mamacita

Topics: Living by Faith and Not Having All the Answers

This week, I crossed the river to join Clay and Katie at North Shore Fellowship. I met these two wonderful people through my kids, but they’re also happen to be monthly donors to BTCYI. (And if Katie looks familiar, you might recognize her from Be Caffeinated, where she works as a barista!) I appreciated our time at North Shore Fellowship, but it was our conversation after the service that truly left me feeling encouraged and inspired.

Both Katie and Clay were raised in the church and have an acute awareness of cultural Christianity, especially in the South, as well as the political phenomenon known as Christian nationalism—how religious identity is sometimes blended with patriotism in ways that influence politics, community dynamics, and even individual beliefs. And during our conversation over lunch, both Katie and Clay shared a thoughtful approach to faith that challenges assumptions and emphasizes authenticity over cultural expectations.

Yet another reminder as to why I have confidence in the future. (Besides Jesus, of course.)

With regard to the Sunday morning service, North Shore Fellowship reminded me a lot of my Grandma’s church growing up. Both the building and the people. And the bulletins. (I still remember countless Sunday mornings filling the margins of those bulletins with doodles and drawings.) The building itself is old, but that also holds some of it’s charm. The demographic is primarily caucasian. But there was a lot of generational diversity. And, weirdly enough, I didn’t recognize one single worship song. It was VERY old school, but it was also very beautiful.

And, I’ll be honest, I can’t remember what the sermon was about, except it was based on a section from the book of Daniel. Confession: I’ve been distracted the past couple of weeks. And while it might be easy to say the election was the reason, it wasn’t. At least not when it comes to the actual source of the distraction. There’s a clear divide in our country and animosity runs deep… on both sides. But, there’s also a clear divide in the “American Church” that is deeply disconcerting.

And this has been the distraction for me, and my family, for quite some time. And I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that the repercussions of this election, NO MATTER THE OUTCOME, have taken up a lot of space in my mind. But, I also think this conversation with Katie and Clay helped me sort through some of those thoughts and feeling because their perspectives brought a sense of clarity and grounding. 

Having both been raised in the church, their familiarity with cultural Christianity gave them a deep understanding of the nuanced blend of faith and tradition, and how easily inherited values can go unquestioned. This has helped them navigate their own beliefs with a balance of respect for their roots and a desire for authentic faith. This background made our conversation more insightful; they could empathize with the struggle between living out a genuine relationship with faith versus just going through the motions.

One of the things I’ve come to understand about religion, particularly within the Christian tradition, is that many people approach their beliefs as absolute truth. At its core, it comes down to this: our beliefs are what we accept as true, often without concrete evidence to support them. This is part of the very nature of faith—it’s the conviction in things unseen and unproven. In a sense, truth in this context isn’t about measurable proof; it’s about what we choose to hold onto as reality.

The downside of approaching beliefs as absolute truth, particularly in a religious context, is that it can foster rigidity and close us off to other perspectives. And before anyone accuses me of heresy—I do believe there are absolute truths that come with a commitment to following Jesus. However, I also recognize that, within our faith tradition, some people tend to elevate certain beliefs to the level of universal truth when, in reality, they may be more reflective of personal convictions. This distinction is important because mistaking personal convictions for absolute truth can lead to unnecessary divisions within our faith community, unintentionally closing themselves off from dialogue, critical thinking, or the possibility that other perspectives might have value. This rigidity can sometimes foster division, as differences are seen as threats rather than opportunities for growth or understanding.

When I think about the massive wave of deconstruction that gained visibility in the 2010s and early 2020s—fueled by social media’s open and communal discussions of faith struggles and doubts—I see how questioning what we’ve accepted as true can actually deepen our understanding or strengthen our faith. Without this process of examination, we risk cognitive dissonance; when our lived experiences or evidence clash with long-held beliefs, it can create a crisis of faith or identity that feels destabilizing rather than enlightening. Deconstruction, then, becomes a pathway to reconcile belief with experience, offering an opportunity for growth rather than disillusionment.

In Katie and Clay, I saw a rare humility—one that allowed them to honor the tradition they were raised in while courageously questioning teachings and experiences that didn’t seem to align with the core teachings of Jesus they hold dear. Their approach wasn’t about discarding their faith but refining it, discerning between inherited beliefs and the heart of Jesus’ message. This willingness to wrestle with difficult questions showed a deep respect for their faith, as they sought an authentic expression of it, and a true determination to seek the heart of Jesus.

CHALLENGE: Reflect on your own beliefs and traditions. Are there aspects you’ve accepted without question that might benefit from a closer look to find a more authentic connection to the teachings of Jesus?

WEEK 10: Starting to Connect Some Dots

by Searching For Jesus in America

Who: Tony and Elaine

Church: New City – Glenwood (Second Visit)

Lunch: Honey Seed

Topics: “Coincidences” and Collaboration

Well, it only took me 10 weeks to break one of the rules for this project… not duplicating church visits. But, I’m actually taking this as a HUGE moment of growth win. Ten years ago, I would have clung to the “stick to the rules” mentality at all costs, missing the bigger picture. But I learned years ago that flexibility and openness usually lead to the most meaningful experiences, even if it means letting go of my own expectations.

So, what precipitated this deviation…

If I was a betting woman… all my chips would be on the Lord.

And this is where my personal writing project intersects with my work life… and where things have the potential to become messy, complicated beautiful. For those who aren’t familiar with our story, here’s a very brief synopsis for context (as it relates to church/faith/ministry): Our oldest daughter, Sydney, started an organization called Be The Change Youth Initiative when she was 15… and it started as a ministry… born from a deep pain intentionally inflicted upon her by a misogynistic youth pastor who belittled her desire to create change in our community and actively discouraged other students from getting involve. (Yes, we know how asinine it sounds… but we also wouldn’t be where we are today if it hadn’t happened. So here’s to making some pretty great lemonade out of some really bad lemons.)

Sydney wanted to create a place where youth, no matter their age, would be ENCOURAGED to use their gifts and talents to help others. And that’s exactly what we did for two years… as a ministry. Essentially, this meant we were engaging with youth and families within Christian communities and the non-profits we partnered with were also faith-based organizations. But that changed in 2018 when we were approached by a chapter of Make-A-Wish in Texas and we took BTCYI on the road.

When we chose to stay on the road in 2019, focusing on conversations with youth and families about the mental health crisis, most of our contacts were within church circles because Sydney was still working with a team within the Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) circles in Nashville. However, those connections quickly disintegrated as we recognized the link between youth mental health struggles and the trauma they were experiencing within the institutional church. This realization had a profound impact on the music Sydney and Brayden created and CCM wanted nothing to do with it. (It is also one of the reason why they now perform under the name In the Company of Wolves.)

And it was the absolute BEST thing that could have ever happened to my kids.

So… why do I share this?

Because last week Sydney and I found ourselves in a two day workshop with members of six other organizations to talk about collaboration… and half of the organizations were faith based. One of the men was Anthony, pictured above with his wife Elaine. I wish I could share all the “coincidences” that unfolded over those two days; but, needless to say, there were too many to actually be a coincidence. Each of us walked into this cohort, partnered with another organization, working on our own individual projects. But, as we sat together, each bringing our diverse backgrounds and unique experiences, sharing our stories, we began to see a powerful overlap in our work.

It wasn’t a duplication of programs or services, which can often happen in a town with so many non-profits. Instead, we began to see where one program ended, another naturally picked up. But, better yet, we each began to see how our individual programs could benefit from collaboration…. and not from a financial standpoint. Honestly, I don’t think any of us even talked about finances during those two days. We were more excited about the potential for true impact and transformation in our community… especially for youth.

So, a few days later I emailed Tony, told him about this project, and asked if I could attend church with him and his wife. Afterwards, we went to lunch and didn’t talk about the sermon once. But, we did talk about life and work and what happened over those two days at the workshop… and we began dreaming.

And since then Sydney and I have started putting work behind the dream.

A key goal of this year-long experiment is to discover how people of faith can come together to drive meaningful community transformation—without spotlighting any single church or denomination. The vision is to create a shared space where individuals, united by purpose rather than labels, can collaborate on initiatives that make a tangible difference. By focusing on values and the common good, rather than organizational affiliations, the aim is to foster a sense of unity that transcends traditional boundaries, encouraging diverse voices to contribute and allowing the impact, not the institution, to shine. This approach seeks to highlight the power of collective action, rooted in faith, that’s accessible to anyone committed to serving others and enriching the community.

I can’t believe I’m only 10 weeks in to this little project… and the threads I’ve been gently pulling are now intertwining. I’m not sure what the final product will be, but it feels like it’s starting to take on a life of its own. It’s like watching puzzle pieces fall into place—only I still don’t know what the picture will look like. There’s something so thrilling in the unknown. It’s almost as though the project is leading me.

And, if my children are reading… this is what walking by faith looks like.

CHALLENGE: Do you have dreams for your community? Spend some time thinking/talking about those dreams. Our family strongly believes that each of us has unique gifts that can help make our community a better place. (Follow-up question: What special gifts do you bring to the table?)

WEEK 9: A First for Me

by Searching For Jesus in America

Who: Isaiah and Julianna

Church: Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses (Hixson)

Lunch: Frothy Monkey

Topics: Kingdom of God, Uncomfortable Conversations, True Christianity

Before you dive into this week’s post, there’s something you should know about my background—specifically, my religious upbringing and education. It was incredibly conservative. I was raised Southern Baptist and attended one of the most right-leaning, dogmatic seminaries in the country. To give you an idea of how rigid it was… women weren’t even allowed to take pastoral classes because, in their view, why bother? Women couldn’t be pastors.

For the record, my decision to attend this particular seminary wasn’t because I wanted to surround myself with people who shared my exact beliefs. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I chose it because I love apologetics—the art of reasoning, defending, and exploring one’s faith. I craved a place where I could engage in deep conversations and be challenged, not just by those who agree with me on the core tenants of my faith tradition, but also by those who see things differently. I wanted to stretch my mind and test my convictions, to see how well my faith could stand up to scrutiny and questions. For me, it was never about living in an echo chamber; it was about growth and discovering the nuances of what I believe through honest dialogue and intellectual wrestling.

This is why I ask so many questions today, why I love debates, and why I’m always diving into tough conversations. It’s all part of this journey of wanting to know what I believe and why I believe it. And this is why this week’s church experience was a terrifying and fascinating at the same time.

I grew up seeing Christianity, for better or for worse, as a club—you were either in, or you weren’t. You either called yourself a Christian, or you didn’t. And, in full transparency, I used to gauge someone’s faith in Jesus by whether they attended church on Sunday mornings. Of course, if you went to church more than once a week, that made you extra holy in my eyes. (Kidding… but not.) I never thought about denominational differences and I never really gave much thought to faith traditions and religions that don’t share what many consider, core, foundational values, or beliefs… the checklist of things you NEED to believe in order to be a Christian. It wasn’t until I married into a Catholic family that I witnessed tension between people who believe in Jesus… but don’t share those core beliefs.

I’ll never forget the first time my sister-in-law told me the Catholic Church was the real church. At first, I laughed it off, thinking she was joking. But as time went on, I realized she most definitely was NOT joking. This was a deep-seated belief that divided us more than I expected. When I started asking questions, I also came to realize that many of the Catholics I personally knew hadn’t deeply explored the teachings, history, or spiritual depth of Catholicism, and as a result, their connection to the faith often felt more ritualistic than anything else, which can also be said of any, and all, Protestant denominations. (I will dive more into this when I visit a Catholic church.)

So, this brings me to this week’s church visit.

Last Sunday, I went with my dear friends Isaiah and Julianna to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses in Hixson. (For those who may be clutching their pearls… there’s no need.) Full disclosure, I was a little nervous before I pulled into the hall parking lot. For so many years, it’s been drilled into my head that members of this religion are in a cult aren’t truly Christians because they don’t share our same core beliefs. And while I don’t have time to bullet point all the core beliefs of this faith, Jehovah’s Witnesses do identify as Christians. They believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God and regard the Bible as their holy scripture. However, their beliefs and practices differ in several ways from those of traditional Christian denominations. For example, Jehovah’s Witnesses do not believe in the Trinity (the doctrine that God exists as three persons in one: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). Instead, they view Jehovah (God) as the supreme being and Jesus as His created son, not equal to God. They also have unique views on topics like salvation, the afterlife, and participation in political and social activities, which set them apart from other Christian groups.

For the purpose of this project, my goal is to enter into religious spaces, particularly those associated with Christianity, to have meaningful conversations with people who profess faith in Jesus. The aim is to understand what their faith means to them personally, how they express it in their daily lives, and how it influences their interactions with others. But, as in this case, I also asked them questions and even shared my reservations about some of their theology, including the long held belief that only 144,000 faithful believers are anointed by God to serve as kings and priests with Christ in heaven.

So… what was my experience and what were my takeaways?

As far as the experience goes, up to this point, my only associations with Jehovah’s Witnesses were the small group of women who came to our house every week for months when we lived in Maine. While most of my neighbors ignored their knocks, I was always waiting for them to come. Sometimes I even made pie for them. (This drove my husband crazy. After a while he saw the correlation: On the mornings I would make a pie, there would be a copy of The Watchtower, the Jehovah’s Witnesses magazine, on the kitchen counter when he came home.)

But, here’s the thing… Up until this past Sunday I’ve never been to a place where so many people wanted to say hello and engage in conversation with me. And it wasn’t just me. When I looked around the hall, before and after the service, it felt more like a family reunion than a church gathering. I won’t lie… it did feel a lot like my grandma’s Sunday school class. It wasn’t showy; the music was old school simple and message was easy to digest. And, like the Sunday school classes, there was a group lesson following the message… that included questions and group participation. Congregants were engaged; I daresay you’d be hard pressed to find someone daydreaming or doodling during their services.

But, it’s more than the Sunday morning gathering. They put an emphasis on truly taking the word of God to the people in our community. Honestly, it draws up a parallel to the Mormon elders who take to the streets to talk about their faith. Whenever I see these lads and ladies out and about, I always invite them to my house for a meal. And as I sit here at the coffee shop going through my last edit of this post, I can’t help but to connect the dots.

For years, many of my friends have thought I’m crazy for engaging with Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons. (And, I will admit that my level of excitement might be a little unusual.) But, several of these people always voiced the same sentiment: They wouldn’t know how to engage in a conversation… specifically, they wouldn’t know how to answer their questions, or defend their own faith. And this is an important revelation.

Many people feel intimidated by these interactions because they may lack familiarity with the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons and/or feel unprepared to answer their well-prepared questions. Or maybe you fear confrontation, assuming the conversations might turn into a debate rather than a meaningful exchange. But understanding different faith perspectives can strengthen your own beliefs, help develop empathy, and foster genuine respect. Personally, I LOVED my conversation with Isaiah and Julianna… and their love for Jesus is palpable.

Also, I can’t end this post without saying this: I know beyond a doubt that when I step into the afterlife, I’ll be completely shocked by who is there—and who isn’t. (Let’s be real, I may even look around and wonder, “Wait… am I supposed to be here?”) But that’s the thing about faith: it keeps us humble, curious, and open to surprises.

CHALLENGE: If you were asked to engage in a conversation with a Jehovah’s Witness, or a Mormon, how would that make you feel? Sit in those feeling for a bit and then ask yourself why you’re feeling that way.

WEEK 8: A Change of Plans

by Searching For Jesus in America

Who: Holden

Church: ?

Lunch: Ernest Chinese

Topics: Personal Responsibility, Spiritual Manipulation/Religious Coercion

Before I dive into this post, there are two things I want to share. First, I hadn’t actually planned to attend this particular church. In fact, I had two other churches on the schedule. One of Holden’s friends invited him to a special event that ended up getting rescheduled; I was also set to attend an afternoon service with one of our board members. But when I realized I’d be cutting it close for Piper’s publishing debut (side note: all the women in our family are now published authors!), I decided to switch things up. So, at 9:30 a.m., I made a quick decision—I’d go to church by myself. And that leads me to my second point.

This project was conceptualized around the idea of attending church with someone I knew, sharing a meal or coffee afterward, and having a meaningful conversation about our shared faith. So, when it came time to attend church alone, I hesitated. But I also saw it as a great opportunity to spend time with Holden. When it comes to our family’s religious trauma faith journey, Holden was really young during the worst of it. And while he didn’t experience everything firsthand like our older children, he still felt the ripple effects of the struggles we faced. I saw this as a chance to open up a conversation about those experiences—what faith means to him now, the lessons we’ve learned, and how we’ve grown from it all.

So how did I choose this particular church:

When we first moved to Chattanooga—the so-called “mecca” of local churches—we did a few Google searches to see what was out there. We had one rule: If the church’s landing page prominently featured the pastor or worship team selling books or CDs, it was a hard pass. And there was one church in particular that always topped the Google search engine list. (Their SEO game was on point.) So, this is the church I chose.

First things first, I need to acknowledge my own biases and blindspots. For context, I’m not a fan of Bethel. (And that’s putting it mildly.) We attended their church in Redding when we lived on the road and it was truly the most disturbing church experiences I’ve ever personally been witness to and there were definitely similarities between the two. On the surface level, it was like walking into a concert: loud music, film crews on stage, photographers walking up and down the aisles snapping pictures of the congregation during worship. There was also banner waiving, a live painting, chaotic movements coming from those gathered at the front of the stage, and the speaking of tongues. No matter how you feel about any of those things, I want to provide a visual representation of the experience. It was loud and there was a lot going on.

Worship lasted for almost 80 minutes, the longest I’ve ever experienced, and was followed by a few announcements that segued into a time of prayer… over weather and blood curses. And this is where things get a little disconcerting. (Holden is adamant in me sharing his opinion that things were disconcerting weird from the very beginning.)

While my goal with this project isn’t to critique specific sermons, I do want to highlight what I consider troubling indicators that I believe reflect a broader issue within the church as a whole. And this opening prayer over weather and blood curses (i.e. tornadoes, COPD and diabetes) definitely falls into that category. The person leading this prayer believed that with enough faith, things like tornado paths can be altered and hereditary diseases, such as COPD and diabetes, can be healed. Please note: I’ve witnessed the miraculous and unexplainable happen through prayer, so this isn’t a commentary on what God can do. Instead, it’s a reminder of the balance between divine intervention and the personal responsibility we hold in practicing good stewardship.

This also brings me to a larger issue within the church: the resistance to taking responsibility. In some cases, churches foster a mindset that prayer alone can combat the forces of nature, sidelining the urgent need for real, tangible action. For example, many in the church have been vocal opponents to environmental efforts. Many congregations downplay, or outright dismiss, scientific evidence in favor of a belief that God will take care of the earth regardless of human behavior and this mentality isn’t limited to environmental issues—it extends to health concerns as well. Conditions like COPD and diabetes, which have clear links to lifestyle choices and environmental factors, are often treated as solely spiritual battles that can be overcome through faith and prayer. While spiritual support can be an important aspect of coping with illness, this approach ignores the vital role that medical science, personal responsibility, and practical changes in behavior play in managing these conditions.

During our conversation over lunch, I asked Holden for his take, and his response made me laugh, “I would have gone with the ‘my body is a temple’ approach, and, at least, talked about your responsibility to make healthy choices. Calling them blood curses is wild.” Stewardship is real. And when we don’t take those responsibilities to heart, the consequences are real.

And this is only ONE example of questionable theology that came from the stage that morning. Here are a few other statements that were made:

  1. God only loves people that come to Him and respect Him.
  2. You attract the favor of God by your honor.
  3. God blesses other people to test your heart.

And these were just three of MANY.

I don’t have time to delve into all the questionable theology I encountered, but I want to give some attention to the topic of the sermon: tithing. Throughout the message, the pastor repeatedly mentioned that his words might be offensive or could upset people. Each time, he softened this by reminding the congregation that he loves them and is only delivering the sermon because he wants what’s best for them. This pattern of presenting a potentially controversial message, and arguably SELF-SERVING message, and then immediately framing it as an act of love seemed like a way to disarm criticism and make it harder for the congregation to question, or push back. It felt less like a genuine conversation about giving and more like a strategic emotional appeal to bypass any discomfort, or dissent. Instead of fostering an open discussion about the biblical principles behind tithing or the personal struggles people may face with financial giving, the focus was on justifying the message under the guise of love. Then, to finish up the service, he asked for every single member of the congregation, whether giving or not, walk down to the stage and pass by the offering plate.

What a juxtaposition from the end of last week’s service.

I want to close with this… There were several moments during the service when I found myself silently praying—for people to have the wisdom to discern truth, and for evil to not find a foothold. But, there was another moment worth mentioning, when the pastor asked everyone to greet one another with a hug. I wish you could have seen Holden’s face as the woman in front of us turned to embrace him. Moments before she was speaking in tongues and the next minute she was hugging Holden like she’s known him all his life. And while he was as stiff as a board for the first 10 seconds, he eventually warmed up to her and returned the hug. And in that moment another prayer came to mind: Lord, give me eyes to see people the way you see them. Give me the ability to love people the way you call me to love them.

Especially the people I disagree with theologically.

It’s so easy to walk into a church, with your personal baggage in tow, and throw daggers. And, to be fair, I would never “join” a community like that. (And I don’t think any other member of my family would have made it through worship the entire service except Holden.) But, it did show me how much I’ve grown. How much I’ve healed. And while I might still be carrying some baggage, maybe it’s more like an overnight duffle instead of a a full-blown checked luggage situation.

CHALLENGE: Listen to a podcast, or grab a book, that helps you process through your church/religious trauma. A few weeks ago, K.J. Ramsey’s The Lord is My Courage was recommended to me and I’ll be honest… the title and cover art had me saying NOOOOOOO! But, never judge a book by its cover, right? This has been one of my best reads in a while. (I definitely recommend it for young, and more seasoned, women!)


WEEK 7: Where Are You Giving Your Attention?

by Searching For Jesus in America

Who: Libby and Kyron

Church: New City East Lake (Presbyterian)

Lunch: Urban Stack

Topics: Motivated by Love, Institution vs Bride, Micro vs Macro

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to join a group of people from different corners of Chattanooga’s music scene for a meeting at the Mayor’s office. On a personal level, it was exciting to look around the room and realize that I knew half the people there—because we’ve collaborated with so many of them. On a professional level, I noticed an interesting parallel between the music community and the church community. There are a lot of people with strong personalities opinions and a lot of potential for incredibly impactful collective work.

As I was leaving the building, I spotted my friend Libby chatting with someone else from the meeting. Never one to meet a stranger, I introduced myself to Kyron, the new music director at New City East Lake. I then proceeded to invite myself to their church and they graciously accepted my invitation. And I’m so thankful they did because it turned out to be one of the most meaningful church services I’ve ever experienced.

Upon entry of the sanctuary, I was immediately reminded of my grandmother’s church: old wooden pews, stained glass window, and acoustics that any vocalist would salivate over. (I’ve grown to appreciate that last one thanks to my kids.) My secondary thoughts: This congregation is incredibly diverse. Like its sister church in Glenwood, which Sydney and I visited about a month ago, New City East Lake has a diversity that spans across generation, ethnicities, and socio-economic classes. And its service felt like a time travel/teleportation back to Cuernavaca, Mexico when I was a study abroad student in college.

The ENTIRE service was bi-lingual, which has its own unique challenges, but this service had a beautiful flow that never came across as disjointed. I should also note that worship had me chuckling thanks to a few “old school” throwbacks that I knew by heart. Not to mention some songs in Spanish! I’m a little rusty, but singing those songs took me back to living in Mexico… back to a time where community and church were truly synonymous.

And before I move on to the conversation during lunch, I have to talk about how this church does communion. I’ve been to hundreds of churches over the years and I’ve NEVER experienced communion like this. They empty the pews, row by row, each person coming to the front of the church to pick up their cup of grape juice, or wine… yes, real wine. Each congregant also breaks off their own bread before creating a ginormous circle around the room. This followed with the taking of communion and then another song of worship.

An introvert’s nightmare.

But, as I looked around the sanctuary, for the second time since starting this year-long experiment, I was struct by the diversity. Generational diversity. Ethnic diversity. Socio-economic diversity. And compared to so many of the homogenous congregations I’ve grown accustomed to, this was a refreshing and powerful reminder of what community should look like. It wasn’t just a gathering of people who looked alike or shared the same background—it was a true mosaic of life experiences, perspectives, and stories. In this space, everyone had a seat at the table, no matter where they came from. It made me realize how much richer our shared faith and sense of belonging can be when we embrace diversity, rather than shy away from it. This sanctuary was a glimpse of the inclusive, welcoming church world I hope to see more of.

As we moved into lunch, something happened that has NEVER happened before: I took ZERO notes. During the sermons, I typically take pages of notes and this Sunday was no exception. My little reporter-style, hand-held notepad with the Mary Poppins quote (“There’s a whole world at your feet.”) was filled with notes. But in the actual discussion time with my friends this week, I was so busy talking about the sermon… and it’s implications… that I only wrote one sentence:

Where are you giving your attention?

For context, the sermon was entitled “Let Your Kingdom Come – The cycle of Love” and was rooted in Acts 3:1-10. The premise: Love was the mark of the early church. And here are just a few of the notes I took away from the sermon:

  • They saw the kingdom of God on the move and were a part of it.
  • The kingdom of God is NOT for self-promotion.
  • True joy can be found when we shift focus from ourselves to others.
  • The “agenda” is not to control and dominate.
  • The “agenda” is about power… the power of love.
  • Peter denied Jesus until the power of love consumed him.

The teaching centered around this idea that Jesus modeled a profound cycle of love that should follow in our day-to-day lives, which consists of three components: Notice, Engage, Give. As a quick synopsis NOTICE simply means cultivating awareness. Jesus was attentive to the needs of the people around him. This is really about moving from self-focus to others-focus, recognizing where love is needed. ENGAGE is the next step once we’ve noticed the need. Jesus looked past the struggles and stepped into their lives, shared their burdens, and connected with them on a deep, personal level. To engage means we’re showing up with empathy, actively listening, and making the decision to get involved in meaningful ways, whether through offering time, resources, or emotional support. GIVE is all about love in action. Giving is not just about material possessions but about offering ourselves—our love, our care, our presence. It’s a selfless act that completes the cycle, contributing to the well-being of others without expectation of return. (Please, read that last part again.)

And that brings us full circle to the one thing I scribbled down in my notebook during lunch: Where are you giving your attention? We’d been sitting there for about 45 minutes by then, with to-go boxes already ordered, when Kyron dropped the question. It hit me like a punch to the gut. I’ll never forget the sound that escaped me in that moment—it was somewhere between a gasp and a laugh, but it carried the weight of a realization I wasn’t ready for.

Confession: During this current season, my attention is all over the place and I’m having some really difficult discussions with myself, my family, and a few other people in my inner circle about my priorities and how they’ve shifted in ways I never anticipated. It feels like I’m juggling a hundred things at once—projects, relationships, responsibilities—and none of them are getting the attention they truly deserve. (And this isn’t new.) But, the question Kyron asked wasn’t just about focus, it was about intention. Where am I placing my energy, and more importantly, why?

I’ve come to realize that attention is more than just where my mind wanders—it’s a reflection of what I value, consciously or unconsciously. And right now, my values feel scattered. I’m caught between the urgency of deadlines, the pull of new opportunities, and the need to nurture the people I care about. In these tough conversations, it’s becoming clear that some things need to change. I’m being forced to confront what really matters to me and make some hard decisions about where I need to invest my time, and heart, moving forward.

Maybe that’s the real punch—the realization that not everything can be a priority, and if I don’t choose wisely, something, or someone, will inevitably be left behind.

CHALLENGE: This week might be a little difficult, or even painful, because it’s based in the the acknowledgment that not everything can be treated with equal importance. Take an inventory of your current priorities… based on how you ACTUALLY spend your time… and ask yourself if it lines up with how you WANT to spend your time. The struggle of balancing immediate responsibilities, long-term goals, and personal relationships, while accepting that some things may need to be left behind can be difficult. But, it’s also really important.

WEEK 5: Reflection on Shame

by Searching For Jesus in America

This week is an “off” week for me. I was actually at a retreat center in Sewanee for the final weekend cohort with a group of women who work in the non-profit community in Chattanooga. I ended up going Saturday morning because Sydney’s birthday was Friday and, well obviously, family comes first. But, honestly, I didn’t want to go at all.

September is always a challenging month for us. With National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month in full swing, and Sydney and Brayden being in Huntsville, things have been a bit more hectic than usual. I really needed the break, but moments like these tend to feel more stressful than restful.

However, something shifted for me last Sunday, and I can still feel the ripple effects of that shift. Hopefully, those ripples continue—and spark even more meaningful changes.

One of the women opened up to the group, sharing a personal struggle and reflecting on the powerful grip shame can have. It was a sobering reminder of how deeply shame can take root, especially in spaces meant for healing. The church, unfortunately, has a long history of being one of the worst offenders in this regard. Rather than offering grace and understanding, it often amplifies feelings of guilt, leaving people feeling judged and unworthy.

This tendency to weaponize shame is especially heartbreaking, considering that the very essence of faith is meant to be about love, acceptance, and redemption. Yet, too often, the church becomes a place where people are made to feel like they must hide their imperfections, reinforcing a cycle of shame that can be incredibly hard to break.

What makes this issue even more frustrating is the silence it imposes. There’s a rule in many church circles that you can’t speak out against the institution itself. Leaders are typically quick to underscore the need for loyalty unity, framing any critique as an attack on the church as a whole. Some are told that raising concerns is divisive—or worse, as going against God.

This creates a toxic environment where people are unable to voice their pain or call out harmful practices. Instead of fostering open conversations and accountability, it discourages honest dialogue. It’s as if protecting the institution becomes more important than protecting the very people it’s meant to serve. And so, the cycle of shame deepens, with those who are already struggling being made to feel like they must carry their burden in silence.

Shame is also used as a tool of control within many church communities, and it’s especially damaging to women. When shame is wielded as a weapon to keep people in line, or maintain power structures, fear of judgment often outweighs personal growth, healing, and authentic connection with others and with faith. The power of shame is that it doesn’t just control behavior; it controls identity. When women are constantly told that they are “less than” for the choices they’ve made or the lives they lead, it doesn’t just impact their actions—it warps how they see themselves. They begin to internalize the belief that they are inherently flawed, that they are undeserving of love, respect, or leadership roles in the church. This is why shame is such an effective tool of control—because it convinces people that they are powerless, even when they aren’t.

The church often frames this shame as “accountability” or “discipline,” when in reality, it’s about maintaining a power structure that benefits those at the top. (Look at any church sex scandal since the beginning of time over the past few years and note how many times the man in questions blames the women and children they’ve abused.) By keeping women ashamed and silent, leaders can avoid being challenged, questioned, or held accountable for the culture they’ve helped create. Shame keeps people compliant, fearful of stepping out of line, and it ensures that the system stays intact.

And, in part, I think this is one of the reasons why our family has found it increasingly more difficult to engage with the institutional church. But, there was definitely a shift in my mindset this past weekend. The institutional church isn’t the REAL CHURCH and I have neither the desire, nor time, to play devil’s advocate. Not now.

CHALLENGE: Have you fallen into the trap of “comparing sin”? Do you think differently about people who have engaged in a “greater sin” than yours? Ask for your eyes, and heart, to be opened to any damaging systems of beliefs.

The Work We’re Meant To Do

by Searching For Jesus in America

Last week I received a text from a friend in Rhode Island. (For context, our family was part of a church planting team sent to East Providence, Rhode Island, a little over 10 years ago.) One of the first families to join the church became good friends of ours. And, to this day, their personal transformation through the power of the Holy Spirit is one of the reasons why I haven’t completely given up on my faith.

That might come across as melodramatic, but it isn’t.

The text I received was a simple request for our family to fast and pray for them as they enter into a big decision about church planting. And just like that… the Holy Spirit gently pulls.

The words I place here aren’t meant to convince anyone of anything. They’re merely a way for me to chronicle my faith journey… for my kids. Because the truth is very simple… almost everything I’ve been taught about “the church” has been wrong. And as I’ve slowly been dissecting those teaching, I’ve had to take a very hard look at WHAT I believe and WHY I believe it.

Some people would eagerly pounce on what is written in the previous paragraph and accuse me of deconstruction, a process of systematically dissecting and often rejecting the beliefs you grew up with… and they’d be right. But, here’s the thing: The word “deconstruction” has such a negative connotation because, in our neo-political “evangelical”church narrative their is a lack of nuance… and critical thinking. And in a lot of cases… a lack of Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

But, over the past few years, I’ve also seen the Church… often from within circles of those who have left the institution of “Christian” religion.

Here’s the truth: We haven’t given a regular tithe to a church in YEARS. And there are a lot of reasons for that. But, the biggest one is because we believe it’s important to support the work… not a building. So, we put our money into organizations doing the work Christ calls us to.

And, honestly, even though our organization isn’t a “faith-based” organization… it most certainly IS faith inspired. And that’s the point. The beauty of the church… the body of the church… it that we all have a part to play. Some parts are outward facing, boldly proclaiming… and some are quietly tending to the absolute carnage the neo-political movement is leaving in their wake.

We all have a part of play and, if we are a part of the REAL church, we all have work we’re meant to do.